Wednesday, January 23, 2019

'when your goal is to sell a story - it pays to make the heroine sexy as fuck'


Oh yes we are biologically programed,
some fucking programs run 24/7.... nice arse....
of course we can resist,,, ,,,, but the kink that results...
controlling the sexual desire - keeping it at priest bay,
denying it's role in the hay.
in the barn... the country...
healthy jeans and ,,, and check.
is paisley more manly where floral prints are not?

oh such brave boys!
such fighters in their floral neck ties.
jewel pins pricked stiff. sharp.

well hung - ready to be meat at just six months!
his farms are all factories,
that's fatherhood.
she's an office worker,
making money making men make meat.
if the robots made all the money
could we just make all the meat?
I'm a brave beefy boy,,,
I smell that she's on heat.

lets fight!  - The plastic toys that are my armies enemy.


pick out your suit
I just want one thats works...
that's charming and believable,
makes me look trust worthy, makes me look smart.

i like it when i know what i buy will deliver.
does exactly what it says on the spin.
you choose for me - designer YESS.
I'll take that one. Thankyou.
I must get on.

My armies change of camouflage.

lets fight!  - The plastic toys that are my armies enemy.

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Christopher Worker

I left university with a degree in Architecture during the UK recession of the early 1990's and did not find a work placement.  I moved into a shared house in London and lived on government benefits whilst exploring the capital and seeking work.  I was Christopher Jobseeker. 

This was the first time I had not been in full time education since I was 4yrs old.  I developed my own creative investigations and projects whilst starting to take on manual odd jobs for money.  Eventually I emerged as a skilled self employed house painter with an eye for colour and detail. I was Christopher Worker.   I've returned to this work throughout my life repairing and painting hundreds of walls and ceilings mostly white.

From 2013-18 using assets my wife inherited and occasional help from friends I built a house.  We rent this house out to nuclear engineers & holiday makers, the income helps win me time to make pictures.   After 5 years as Christopher Worker I am ready to be more of myTHself.

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Christopher Wanker Pants Down. Strike Three. New Light Prize Exhibition 2017.

At home for Christmas 2015 I came upon The 'New Light'  painting competition show held biennially at the Bowes Museum in County Durham .  Born in North East England I met one of the criteria to enter and decided to try for the exhibition in July 2017.  I submitted two pictures recently made 'The Aluminum Ladder' and 'The Tale Of Christopher Wanker'.

The Aluminum Ladder by myTHself , acrylic on board, 1220x1530. 2016.

The Tale Of Christopher Wanker by myTHself, acrylic, map and false gold leaf on board, 1220x2220. 2015-16.

In September 2017 I was disappointed to receive a letter regretting to inform me that my pictures had not been chosen for the exhibition. Strike 3.  Fucked off with failure at judged painting competitions I knew I must find for myTHself a place to show Christopher Wanker.

I had enjoyed making the pictures and valued the results but failure to win an exhibition space meant in accordance, with the agreement I had made with my wife, I must return to building.  By the end of October 2018 the house I had begun building in 2013 was finished and let out.  I became a land lord.


Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Christopher Wanker Pants Down. Strike Two. The Royal Accademy Summer Show 2015.

2015 was the bicentennial year for the Battle Of Waterloo.

Inspired by the Royal Academy Summer Show Open Call for that year I made pictures for the entry application.

In 2013/14 I was commissioned by my friend to paint a picture for his new restaurant in Cherbourg.  Respecting the taste of the patron I planned and painted a large sensible figurative acrylic composition.

I enjoyed painting at this scale and gained confidence in the pictures success at the restaurant.  I had thought painting a de-funked medium but skillfully applied paint to make a picture can be magical.

Between 2013 and 2018 I spent most of my time building a house but mid-Winter is unsuitable for building outside.  I dedicated a month to make a new picture for the show.   Judging it was time to expose more I decided to unite two disparate parts of myTHself - Christopher Wanker Fantasy banker would back the toy soldiers at The Battle Of Walkerloo.

Alas the pictures were not short listed for display in the RA summer show of 2015.  Strike 2.

I had never been completely satisfied with any Christopher Wanker photo montage picture.  Whilst living in France I took an afternoon painting class at Cherbourg art school and was shown the basics of 'pretend it's oil' acrylic painting.  I developed a kind of brush scrubbing paint technique on to a dark painted base board which had solidity.  I was seduced by the leather like surface of the painted pictures.  This Christopher Wanker had been painted onto the road map surface, which had been glued to a board.  His painted body united into the map surface as picture on to paper.  The unity of the UK road map and myTHself Christopher Wanker was much more convincing than the photo montages.  Painting the map and him together made Christopher Wanker more real, as a picture. 

Christopher Wanker Pants Down. Strike One. New Work '98.

In 1996 Christopher Wanker pictures were sent along with an application to participate in an exhibition in east London called 'NEW WORK '98 UK'.  The pictures consisted of prints of photos taken of the card and paper model shown below:

The model had 15 separate card figurines.  14 were to be arranged in order forming a circle facing inside or out pending exhibition context.  The 15th was to be a much larger picture, a re-representation of the finale of the series, the 'cum shot'.

The model depicted me dressing for city business/work.  When fully dressed I become one with the UK mobile phone company mini-maps I had been in front of. In the same picture plane as the map (perpendicular to the photo background of my bedroom on the floor plane behind) I am able to feel at one with my country's map and I am able to pull out my magical map cock, London's cock and become Christopher Wanker. In the next few figurines Christopher Wanker is in the trans-like frenzy of his magical masturbation and the map cock is detached from the UK road map-whole.  He slips back to the floor plane of  his bedroom - but during those ogasmic moments the UK road map is missing it's capital city.

This model was strongly influenced by the stations of the cross and main crucifix present on the walls of most/all Catholic Church's.  I had been a practising Catholic all my life until leaving home at 18.

MYthSELF assumed Christopher Wanker perfect for a role in the NEW WORK exhibition.  Alas the application for a place in the exhibition was unsuccessful.  Strike 1.

In the summer of 1998 after Englands defeat to Argentina in the world cup quarter final I broke my arm.  I stopped making Christopher Wanker pictures because of my cast, wrote a book about witches for my niece and began to get re-interested in military costume and history.  In the Fall of 1998 I met Laura with whom I moved to France and married.

Monday, August 7, 2017

MYthSELF Chrtistopher Walker

I was born in Sunderland (UK) in 1972 the youngest child of three.  My brother, with whom I shared our bedroom, is five years older, my sister seven years older.  It was once said, In very good humour at Christmas lunch that I was an accident - but I never felt like it.  My mother was a housewife, school dinner nanny and skilled dress maker.  My father was a production supervisor in a tyre factory.  My father had been a coal miner like his father and was of a large, prominent Catholic family in his home town.  I was brought up Catholic, my mother converted to Catholicism when I was a child. 

I grew up in a cul-de-sac built in the late 1960's and had lots of good friends.  I was passionate about things military and spent a lot of time playing war themed games with friends and toys. I was good at school and got good school reports.  I was interested and enthusiastic especially in Maths and Art I did not get football. I have always been a slow reader and terrible speller.  I served on the alter in church until I was 15, then I got a part time job on Sunday mornings as a pump attendant at a local garage. 

When I was little I think I wanted to be a soldier.  I think it was ideas of bravery and triumph which attracted me... and the great suits.  I thought briefly to myself about being a priest but I never heard god calling like they said he would.  When I was thirteen I wanted and received a drawing board for Christmas.  With Careers Service advice I began to think of being an architect.  I got the best GCSE results in my school year and went on to sixth form to get four A levels .  At 18 I left home and went to Oxford polytechnic to study architecture.  

When I finished my degree in 1993.  I moved back home to the north briefly but through friends moved into a room in a shared house in Fulham west London. I enjoyed unemployment for the first time and began to re-consider my relation to the world. I lived in this house until 2001 when I moved to France to share the home of my partner - now wife.  I live there now with no children, many animals making pictures, meat and vegetables, sometimes labouring for money. Between 2013 and 2018 I built a house.

myTHself, Christopher Writer on Christopher Walker. 

He is on Facebook.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

The animated web object, 2004. is a moving picture made in 2004 by myTHself, Christopher Wonker.  It was built in ‘Flash’ to be on the web in a time before YouTube and it has been live ever since.  Flash was a visually intuitive drawing program ubiquitous but almost extinct now.  Most of the imagery is ‘vector’ based giving it unlimited definition for the modest file size essential for it’s day.  The website contains about 20 minutes of animation measuring about 2MB but with at ID (Infinite Definition?! having googled this word paring I think I have just coined a new phrase - It's lovley!  ID - Infinite Definition - a special feature of vector based animation) .

Opening with an emotive ‘creation myth movie’ the website establishes a plausible new family of holiday heroes ‘The Easter Legs’. The tension is made explicit in the collective presentation of the individual family members and the values, emotions they express and provoke.

Whilst building the website Christopher Wonker discovered a page he did not create featuring the EasterLeg he calls Jesus’ leg.  He has since wondered if this was the second coming of Jesus Christ as a digital avatar or at the very least a divine miracle. See if you can find this divine Easter egg when you explore

A second version of the website exists  in which the Jesus leg character is replaced by a yellow eyed pink furry monster 'Beast Leg'. Blood continues to drip although now it follows the curve of long vicious talons. This version of the site has never been 'live' on-line.

Still Image taken from EaserLegs in the costume of their father featuring BeastLeg. 

The EasterLegs dressed as their father featuring Beast Leg.

'when your goal is to sell a story - it pays to make the heroine sexy as fuck'

A Y DREAM Oh yes we are biologically programed, some fucking programs run 24/7.... nice arse.... of course we can resist,,, ,,,