Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Picturing Google: Google Panto Horse Mythic Corporate Beasts. Downloadable DIY models/sculpture-pictures. Each a Google Effigy.

In 1999 I rang up my PC wise friend to get the name of the web search page he thought the best - I had forgotten the funny name.  That name was Google. 

The Walkerloo Google Panto Horse paper-soldier sheets (available at the wargame vault since January 2012) was an attempt to make a picture of google.

For at least 40,000 years humans have used symbolic models or dolls to explore ideas of people and things in the physical world.  Effigies and poppets are models which were thought to exert a magical influence on their subject.  Children are said to play with dolls and action figures to explore narratives and empathetic scenarios.


When I published the Google Panto Horse models I introduced them as:

Walkerloo Mythic 'Google Panto Horse Corporate Beasts'!
I'm a man - but do I end at my toes or are these words me? and what is google?  I’ve painted 4 different versions of the ‘Google-Panto-Horse’ mythic corporate beast.  But I imagine there are googols of them grazing ‘freely’ on internet content.  A real panto horse usually has two people inside the costume - Sergey Brin & Larry Page could be spending all their time inside a Google-Panto-Horse, where are they spending their money?  Under harness googols of them would deliver googols of Google-Panto-Horse power, but this horse power would be dependent on their ability to graze vast quantities of ‘freely’ accessible internet content... You can make up the specifics of their abilities and appetites."


I'm writing this in 2019 and Google is omnipresent in the world wide web and one of the most powerful non-government manmade entities ever created.  After performing internet searches with google and other search engines I've failed to find any other effigies, paintings or pictures of Google.  However using the same search criteria I was unable to find my own Google Panto Horse.  I did find a film entitled if google were a guy. I have labeled the pictures in this blogger (a Google owned business) blog with 'Google Effigy'.

I've recently made up some paper soldiers for a secret mission.  Google Panto Horse Corporate Beasts are depicted as the mounts for an elite YouWalkerloo portrait troop uniformed as Napoleon's Polish Lancers.  Whilst on picture making maneuvers in the garden we were unexpectedly joined by my black cat Panza/Panzer.  When you are making potentially spell binding pictures and your black cat shows up to take part you include him.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

THE RUBBISH! "I'm All Major Brands REpresented!" (Part1)

'The Rubbish' is a superhero/monster of our time.

Origins and Development

'The Rubbish's' origins are at once obscure and all pervasive.  It is thought to be an emergent intelligence made possible by the exponential growth and sheer quantity of  man made rubbish real and virtual strewn across our planet.  A life force seems to have emerged in the new global networked connectivity of advertising and commercially oriented message media.  The Rubbish thrives on consumer waste, junk e-mail and old adverts.  The Rubbish speaks in a language solely derived from commercial tag lines and catch phrases but with occasional longer speeches strung together from obscure advertorial.  However the Rubbish has coined one catch phrase for itself  "RUBBISH! All major Brands REpresented"...


As garbage finds its way everywhere so does The Rubbish.  It's a consciousness that seems to be able to travel and become manifest in garbage through physical proximity.  It can travel with immediacy through littered environments and that includes the internet via junk e-mail.  It is an excellent spy. Although having no actual physical strength it can hide in plain sight and in the smallest pieces of litter.  It's known offensive capabilities are suffocation and/or entombment of opponents in litter filled environments and it is thought to be capable of conjuring defensive deadly poisons depending on the proximity of appropriate litter in the local environment.  **THERE IS WORRIED SPECULATION ABOUT ITS ABILITY TO OFFER AN END OF WORLD SCENARIO IF CORNERED RELATIVE TO NUCLEAR WASTE CACHES. (oh no, in the pic below 'The Rubbish' is pictured less than a mile from a nuclear power station....FOR REAL! ... and there is a Nuclear Reprocessor only 10 miles away... with lots of nasty nuclear rubbish...)

Goody or Baddy?

The Rubbish's morality is ambiguous.  Like almost all life it wishes to continue, however human civilisation currently provides the entity with a bountiful rubbish filled environment.  As long as this condition persists we can count on 'The Rubbish' to be a staunch defender of humanity and all the crap we make.

Personality Traits

The Rubbish can be very funny, delivering advert taglines with perfect comic timing in the most incongruous scenarios.  However in regular conversation its dependence on the commercial strap lines and advertorial texts can make it ambiguous, oblique and nonsensical.  It seems to talk... a load of rubbish...

Continual Legal Conflicts

All of The Rubbishes physical, aural and virtual manifestation is constrained to human rubbish and so it's very existence is a constant contravention of commercial and copyright law protecting that 'rubbish'.  Issues will surely arise if The Rubbish ever becomes involved in self promotional merchandise!


There is one certain sworn enemy of 'The Rubbish'... a heroine who is known to have had considerable success in her fight... She is Trash Girl!

The Rubbish responded "because I'm worth it - every little helps"...

Who's side are you on?

Dedicated by myTHself to my godchildren Sonny & Colette.  HAPPY BIRTHDAYS 2019!!! ;0D xxChistopher Winker

Friday, February 1, 2019

EasterEggs in EasterLegs : The Jesus Leg Apparition

The animated Flash film 'The Gift Factory' (myTHself 2004) is a creation myth for the Easter Legs.  It was published on the Flash film makers portal NewGrounds and at www.Easterlegs.com in 2004 (in Flash ID [Infinite Definition!]) and on YouTube in 2010 (limited quality pixel encoded edition).

I Made it in Flash (Wikipedia) when the web was slower.  Traditional pixel based video could not download its necessary data in real time quickly enough for watchable video. Flash could use vector animation which simulated frames re-drawing them 'on the hoof' in the browser at the desired frame rate.  Vector drawings define line and area using maths.  The pictures are made from drawing algebraic graphs, giving each line and area its specific colour, thickness etc.  Designing with this in mind could give moving pictures with a tiny file size compared to pixel based video. 'The Gift Factory' movie is 6 minutes long but can be described in 700 kb of data, and half of that is the music! 

Flash movies are more like games than traditional films.  They are composed of a library of reusable graphic objects and characters.  Characters, character parts and whole scenes are made by nesting animations inside one another Russian doll style.  Flash had a simple coding language called Actionscript (Wikipedia) which could make parts of the screen responsive to user mouse clicks and cursor movement.  These areas named 'buttons' could be developed using timeline loops to make complex animated characters.  The movie maker could, game like, hand the power of directing these characters over to the mouse controller.  The resulting user manipulable virtual entities were called 'sprites'. The Easter Legs are sprites!


When I was testing the EasterLegs animated interface I unknowingly created a blank browser window appear with the JesusLeg alone and bleeding.  Initially I had no explanation for this screen.  A little freaked I undertook to find out how I had summoned this virtual space.  After extensive tests I realised that the window was a result of clicking and pressing the mouse over the Jesus' Leg and then moving the 'cursor' off  the 'leg image' with the mouse button still pressed.  The Jesus leg animation  is deliberately horrorful on continued mouse button pressing, did the movie's horror induce recoil in my mouse hand and thus the Jesus Leg apparition?

Having explained the phenomenon I was able to furnish this new space with intention - a few words and colours.  A miracle unaverted yet explained.  A serendipitous easter egg in WWW.EasterLegs.com


Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Christopher Worker

I left university with a degree in Architecture during the UK recession of the early 1990's and did not find a work placement.  I moved into a shared house in London and lived on government benefits whilst exploring the capital and seeking work.  I was Christopher Jobseeker. 

This was the first time I had not been in full time education since I was 4yrs old.  I developed my own creative investigations and projects whilst starting to take on manual odd jobs for money.  Eventually I emerged as a skilled self employed house painter with an eye for colour and detail. I was Christopher Worker.   I've returned to this work throughout my life repairing and painting hundreds of walls and ceilings sadly mostly white.

From 2013-18 using assets my wife inherited and occasional help from friends I built a house.  We rent this house out to nuclear engineers & holiday makers, the income helps win me time to make pictures.   After 2 years of  Fulltime Christopher Building Worker I must now do fulltime Christopher someone else.

I was the ih last bunch of architecture students to not draw on computers ... drawing with pens is much nicer work - you can listen!!

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Christopher Wanker Pants Down. Strike Three. New Light Prize Exhibition 2017.

At home for Christmas 2015 I came upon The 'New Light'  painting competition show held biennially at the Bowes Museum in County Durham .  Born in North East England I met one of the criteria to enter and decided to try for the exhibition in July 2017.  I submitted two pictures recently made 'The Aluminum Ladder' and 'The Tale Of Christopher Wanker'.

The Aluminum Ladder by myTHself , acrylic on board, 1220x1530. 2016.

The Tale Of Christopher Wanker by myTHself, acrylic, map and false gold leaf on board, 1220x2220. 2015-16.

In September 2017 I was disappointed to receive a letter regretting to inform me that my pictures had not been chosen for the exhibition. Strike 3.  Fucked off with failure at judged painting competitions I knew I must find for myTHself a place to show Christopher Wanker.

I had enjoyed making the pictures and valued the results but failure to win an exhibition space meant in accordance, with the agreement I had made with my wife, I must return to building full time.  By the end of October 2018 the house I had begun building in 2013 was finished and let out.  I became a land lord with time to make pictures.


Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Christopher Wanker Pants Down. Strike Two. The Royal Accademy Summer Show 2015.

2015 was the bicentennial year for the Battle Of Waterloo.

Inspired by the Royal Academy Summer Show Open Call for that year I made pictures for the entry application.

In 2013/14 I was commissioned by my friend to paint a picture for his new restaurant in Cherbourg.  Respecting the taste of the patron I planned and painted a large sensible figurative acrylic composition.

I enjoyed painting at this scale and gained confidence in the pictures success at the restaurant.  I had thought painting a de-funked medium but skillfully applied paint to make a picture can be magical.

Between 2013 and 2018 I spent most of my time building a house but mid-Winter is unsuitable for building outside.  I dedicated a month to make a new picture for the show.   Judging it was time to expose more I decided to unite two disparate parts of myTHself - Christopher Wanker Fantasy banker would back the toy soldiers at The Battle Of Walkerloo.

Alas the pictures were not short listed for display in the RA summer show of 2015.  Strike 2.

I had never been completely satisfied with any Christopher Wanker photo montage picture.  Whilst living in France I took an afternoon painting class at Cherbourg art school and was shown the basics of 'pretend it's oil' acrylic painting.  I developed a kind of brush scrubbing paint technique on to a dark painted base board which had solidity.  I was seduced by the leather like surface of the painted pictures.  This Christopher Wanker had been painted onto the road map surface, which had been glued to a board.  His painted body united into the map surface as picture on to paper.  The unity of the UK road map and myTHself Christopher Wanker was much more convincing than the photo montages.  Painting the map and him together made Christopher Wanker more real, as a picture. 

too big for my studio i made him in the living room.

Christopher Wanker Pants Down. Strike One. New Work '98.

In 1996 Christopher Wanker pictures were sent along with an application to participate in an exhibition in east London called 'NEW WORK '98 UK'.  The pictures consisted of prints of photos taken of the card and paper model shown.

The model had 15 separate card figurines.  14 were to be arranged in order forming a circle facing inside or out pending exhibition context.  The 15th was to be a much larger picture, a re-representation of the finale of the series, the 'cum shot'.

The model depicted me dressing for city business/work.  When fully dressed I become one with the UK mobile phone company mini-maps I had been in front of. In the same picture plane as the map (perpendicular to the photo background of my bedroom on the floor plane behind) I am able to feel at one with my country's map and I am able to pull out my magical map cock, London's cock and become Christopher Wanker. In the next few figurines Christopher Wanker is in the trans-like frenzy of his magical masturbation and the map cock is detached from the UK road map-whole.  He slips back to the floor plane of  his bedroom - but during those ogasmic moments the UK road map is missing it's capital city.

This model was strongly influenced by the stations of the cross and main crucifix present on the walls of most/all Catholic Church's.  I had been a practising Catholic all my life until leaving home at 18.

MYthSELF assumed Christopher Wanker perfect for a role in the NEW WORK exhibition.  Alas the application for a place in the exhibition was unsuccessful.  Strike 1.

In the summer of 1998 after Englands defeat to Argentina in the world cup quarter final I broke my arm.  I stopped making Christopher Wanker pictures because of my cast, wrote a book about witches for my niece and began to get re-interested in military costume and history.  In the Fall of 1998 I met Laura with whom I moved to France and married.

Picturing Google: Google Panto Horse Mythic Corporate Beasts. Downloadable DIY models/sculpture-pictures. Each a Google Effigy.

In 1999 I rang up my PC wise friend to get the name of the web search page he thought the best - I had forgotten the funny name.  That name...